Sunday, February 27, 2011

tattered femme

So I'll be honest, I have a bit of an interview that I'm really nervous for on tuesday, and it's moments like these that I start to think even harder than usual about the way I'm presenting, the way it seems so hard for me to dress myself up "nice" and look "normal" or "presentable." So many of my clothes have holes in them, not because I can't necessarily afford to buy new ones, but because I just frankly don't want to (spend all of my money on nice/new/boring/neutral clothing), and my big emphasis being on attributing a kind of warmth and affinity for clothes that have been worn thin, loved to death, unraveling with rich, grimy herstory, so to speak. I feel like I gravitate towards beat up things, very "this is why we can't have nice things" syndrome, I'm awfully rough with electronics and use/wear my personal items down until they're literally falling apart. This feels like a very substantial part of my presentation, a substantial part of my gender nonetheless. A not just rough-around-the edges kind of gender, but one that is intrinsically deteriorating, splitting at the seams. The question though, is how to find a way to incorporate this homeliness and comfort with a messy sense of presentation, into a means of "presentability," one that will not read as doesn't-care sloppy, but more so as very-much-cares-and-rightfully-chooses-so tattered.

photo from here

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